She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
