Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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