i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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