I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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