Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
