If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
