ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
