Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
