oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
