I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
