U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
