And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
