I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
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This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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