Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
