Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
