So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
