His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize