im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
