Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
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Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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