I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
