My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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