I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
