Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
