I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
