i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
