All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
