my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
