Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
