take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
