I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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