You really coming over, don't trick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
