I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
did you just send me my own nude
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
