I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
