'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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