Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
