saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
