Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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