that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
