Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
