Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
