he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize