So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
