I want to have your abortion
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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