And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
