I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
