Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
