i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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