can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
