I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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