Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
