i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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