were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
