Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
