I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
