No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
