I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
