She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
