...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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