I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
