I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
