i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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