omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
