I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
