sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
