I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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