Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
