So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
