I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
