Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
