i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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