I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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