You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
