So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
