i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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