I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
