I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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