Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
