Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
