what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
