I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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