whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
